Hey everybody, you are tapped into the Listening Ears Podcast with your host, me Vernae Bezear. Picture it 2019, I b egan my self-help self-care journey. As I put it taking my life back. I tu rned t o self-help programs, books on t he topic, reflecting stargazing, and just trying to change things in my life. In m y career, I began to feel that I was finally a driver and not a passenger on this trip called life. I p ublished my first book, a children's book. I b ooked reading engagements at da ycare c enters and literacy events. I started my own tutoring company, motivated readers an d b egan creating videos for parents to support them with their child's reading. And then no m o re t han three, four months later. Boom, there it was COVID hit and everything seemed to stop. I t ook it as a sign of"see that's what happens when you let your guard down and think everything is good and going well gets taken right from you. So Why be h appy? What, is gained when you're excited about something? And then all of a sudden it's gone and you feel sad. Now I am in no way, shape or form Saying that COVID affected or had this profound effect on my life. Like it did some people, but bear with me and I'll explain to you what I mean, Cherophobia is the feeling of dread that comes along when you've just experienced something wonderful. Plainly speaking. It is a fear of, or aversion to happiness. It may present itself as an overwhelming feeling of self doubt, a feeling of fear, utter fear, or the worst scenario happening right on the heels of something wonderful happening. Cherophobia for me presented itself at a very young age. I remember being in my mom's new car then boom. Out of nowhere. Literally out of nowhere, we got s ideswiped by another car. We were just coming back from a vacation a nd we were listening to music i n the car and we were laughing and we were singing and we were happy. And we were just, you know, just being, I had seen the car on the right side, out of my window, I was sitting in t he back and the car had just came off. I guess you would call it the acceleration lane. I don't drive. So I'm not too certain. And the car was coming closer and closer into our lane. And try as my mother might, we couldn't avoid being sideswiped by this car, the car we were in-our car spun out of control. And we ended up facing the opposite way on the highway with myself and my grandmother being stuck in the back. My grandmother stuck in her seatbelt in the front and myself with my shoulder, basically lodged under my sister's car seat. We managed to be taken out of the car and besides a few bandages, my arm and a sling from a dislocated shoulder, we were all in okay shape. But the theme of the day, right, the resounding theme of the day is, or was, that's why you can't have too much fun. As my grandmother put it, we were laughing and having a grand old time in my mom's new car. And you know what happens, you know, when you get something nice and you like it a lot, it could be taken away from you. And don't be so happy in life and don't play around so much and don't show off because when you do those kind of things, you know, Things get taken away from you. I held on to this notion for many years, not allowing myself to be totally free, let my hair down or just enjoy what, what life had to offer me. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop because I knew, I mean, the happier I got, the more likely things were gonna turn bad. So I just didn't allow myself to get too happy, right? No pain, no gain early bird catches the worm, no rest for the weary and so on with the colloquialisms and sayings and the things I, I used to explain the feelings I was having, right. too in a way make it. I use that event, I guess, in a way to dictate my life and my movements, right? Are these people really your friends? Does this man really love you? Are you really a good mother? Do you deserve the things you worked for? Don't ask for too much or act like, you know, too much or get too happy, or get too comfortable, be happy, act like things aren't a big deal and so on and so forth. Exhausting. Yeah. Happiness to me was something that I had linked to foolishness playing around, Chilling out, or just being plain lazy. Everything I did had be purposeful things couldn't be spontaneous. There was a plan for everything. And the plan that I had created or made for these things was so that something wouldn't go wrong so that things wouldn't go awry in any time things were going too good. I would in some way, shape or form sabotage it so that things wouldn't work out. I wouldn't follow up return the phone call complete the last step. Be too happy about something I did or was almost done with because you know, what's gonna happen if, if you get too excited. So as of late, I've been learning to celebrate my highs, congratulate myself on my successes and have an occasional glass of wine on a weekday. Some things that I've done in my life to help me combat phobia or happiness, anxiety have been the journaling that I've been doing in my notebook, practicing mindfulness, deep breathing and relaxing. And yes, I do see a therapist and finally daily exercise. I'm not an expert. I am not means on this and what I know and experiences. And, and what I do know Is that nothing is permanent. Things are always moving and constantly changing and I'm worthy of happiness. I am worthy of happiness with no strings attached. My outlook now is just, this brings me happiness. This is something I would like to and I'm. Do you believe that you are worthy of happiness? Do you suffer from happiness anxiety? If anything I've said in this podcast episode resonated with you, you can shoot me a message on all social media platforms. You can also send me an email at Vernae@listeningearspodcast. com, like follow subscribe, download, share, and thanks for always listening. Catch you.