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You are tapped into episode nine of the listening ears podcast with me, your host for neighbor's ear . This week's episode is called rewards and punishment. I learned very late in life. Okay. Maybe six months ago that you don't have to punish yourself in order to receive a reward growing up like everybody else . I was told that if you eat your vegetables or all your dinner you'll get dessert, or once you clean your room, you can go outside. I began adopting that concept at a very young age, not being able to do something enjoyable until after I finished something unenjoyable, but I continued that and started with, once you finish your homework, you can read your fashion magazine, you know, like 17 or teen Vogue, or as I got older, once you finish those report card grades, you can eat dinner or later on, once you meet with those three teachers, take a meeting in the principal's office for two hours, respond to these three emails . You can use the bathroom or eat your breakfast, or just sit and breathe , you know, deep breaths for at least 10 seconds. But why for what? Why did I equate Pushing myself to such extremes to then receive something from it? It was almost like a no pain, no gain kind of mantra in my head, right? Like why did I have this notion that to feel good about something I had to do a grueling task or punish myself sweat first? I, I, I use these things as like a reward system until I realized that it was just getting out of hand. So from, I guess you can say six months ago until now I've committed myself and am committed to doing things that bring me joy.

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If,

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If I'm doing the things that I enjoy, then it is in punishment. It's just me living my life. It's me living my life with rewards that don't have to come after doing some type of unbearable task or, or , or feeling like I'm at the end of my rope and about to break

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For

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Me to do something that brings me joy. As I sit here , when , when I think about rewards and punishment, can't help, but consider choices and , and consequences as well. Any choice that is made is comes with the results .

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It

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Could be positive, or it could be negative, right? We talk about pros and cons in a situation, or, you know, some sometimes when you sit there, you think, Hmm , if I choose this, what, what would be the outcome? So for me now, I frame my rewards with a sense of intentionality. So what is the outcome of this choice that I'm making? Does this choice lead me closer to my ultimate goals? Do these choices align to my bigger purpose? So for example, what , what am I gaining by not using the bathroom or not

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Eating?

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I mean, when you think about it in those situations, and I know as educators or as moms, we don't, we don't consider those things at the moment. But when you think about it, those , those questions are important. Like, what is the outcome of me not eating or using the bathroom? Does that choice of not eating or using the bathroom? Lead me closer to my ultimate goals. You know? So I have to ask myself what, what brings me joy and what are those things that

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Bring

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Me closer to my ultimate goals or my bigger purpose or the outcome that I want

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And

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Things that bring me joy are this podcast. My family , my friends,

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Birds

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Chirping the sunlight on my face . Awesome , inspiring motivational quotes and messages . I mean, I can, I can go on and on , which is funny because these , I didn't even have these answers a few months ago , so I'm no longer telling myself after you do this, you can do this because I'm constantly thinking about the things that bring me joy, and I'm incorporating that into everything I do. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not , I'm not sitting here saying that. I only do things that bring me joy. I mean, yes and no, right? If I'm, if I'm folding clothes now, I mean,

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I

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Dunno anybody who enjoys folding clothes, however , I've been framing it. I ask myself what is my intention? And my intention is to have clothes folded in the drawers or hung up in my closet so I can choose what I want to wear without having to go through bags and bags of,

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Of

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Clothes, right? Just like looking through six laundry bags for a matching sock, that doesn't feel good and I don't get pleasure from it, but because I've set my intention and, and I under , I understand that the choice I'm making can have a positive or negative result. I do everything from a perspective of what do I want from this? And like I said, I would like to see clothes hung up in my drawer , uh , in my closet and fold it in my drawer and be able to choose calmly what I want to wear. So I'm framing it. So in framing it, in this context for me, the, the task of folding clothes just becomes a task

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In ,

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In doing this task. I could listen to some really good music or I can catch up on one of my shows or I can just sit there and fold the clothes because I understand

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The

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Reason for it. So I'm , I'm no longer pushing myself for things that needs to get done. I'm, I'm no longer pushing myself without taking a break. I'm beginning to do things more

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Purposefully,

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Conscientiously, and incorporating joy into all of it. Here are seven ways that I've learned to find joy in my everyday life.

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Number one,

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Find and set your purpose for whatever it is you're doing . Move in intentionality. Number two, practice gratitude in your everyday

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Life.

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For me, practicing gratitude was difficult at first. And it still sort of is. But in thinking about finding joy in my everyday life, practicing gratitude is very high on that list . Number three, stop waiting to be

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Happy .

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Now life is short and yeah, stop waiting to be happy. Number four, make a list of things that bring you joy making that will not only make you smile, but being able to go back to that list is a really great feeling . Number five time for make time for yourself, by investing in someone else, doing a task that you may not want to do , or that you may be putting off or procrastinating with. Sometimes those things are a little, a little pricey, but I think if you do a little investigating digging, you can find that there are people out there who are willing to help or do the things that you may not want to do. So yeah, hire a housekeeper. If you can. There are many sites that have

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People

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Who you can PA two tiny things up. And if that is something that's gonna bring you joy and you're able to do it, then do it . Number six, slow down . I mean, I , I, it, to me, it sounds so self explanatory now, but a while back, that's not something I could even fathom slow down for. What? Why, why slow down? I'm I'm not a snail. I'm why , why would I , why would I move slow? That , that would've been my answer. Like I said, it , it's not something that is in a lot of people's vocabulary, but in finding joy, slowing down and being in the moment is definitely something that can bring you

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Joy .

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Number seven, get rid of the clutter, eliminated anything that you do not need, or that doesn't serve. You get rid of. And when I say get rid of, I mean, you can donate it. You can throw it away, you can sell it, you can recycle it. You can hang the clothes up or fold the clothes or clean up the desk, whatever it is, get rid of the unnecessary things that are clouding your mind . And you'd be surprised what really neat and beautiful workspace or home or countertop can do to your mood . Bottom line for me is that living with intentionality and finding joy and purpose in everything, I do, making choices that make me feel good and accepting the results of my choices has helped me frame rewards and punishment in just such a wonderful way . And it's helped me find the ultimate balance in life. If anything, in this podcast resonated with you , or if you'd like to comment or send a message , you can hit me up on all social media platforms and yeah . Episode nine ,

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Signing

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Enough .